Stumbling on Saturn

I was first introduced to the notion of “Saturn Return” by a dear, dear friend of mine, Nadine, who entered my life during a time of intense uncertainty and instability.

I had just started the process of re-evaluating my goals in life and was questioning every decision I had ever made. My life felt like it had been turned upside down and inside out and nothing seemed to fit anymore. Things I had once felt so sure about - my career, my relationship, my city, my friends - suddenly felt foreign to me. It was like a stranger had invaded my body and I had no idea what she wanted or where she was headed.

After a few days of working together and getting to know each other quite well (when I met Nadine I felt as though I had known her forever - it was one of those magical encounters), Nadine stated, firmly and convincingly, “Vic, it’s obvious that you’re going through Saturn Return.”

Saturn what?

Saturn Return. An astrological phenomenon, Nadine informed me, that occurs approximately every 29.5 years when the planet Saturn completes its orbit around the sun and returns to the place it occupied at the time of your birth. This return of Saturn therefore occurs between the ages of 27-30, 57-60, and 85-88, precipitating crucial decisions and bringing about major life changes.

Astrologers believe that every Saturn Return marks a very important time in a person’s life and is often the catalyst for drastic transformations. It is not uncommon for things to end during these periods: relationships, jobs, friendships, hard-held convictions.

The return of Saturn throws us into a dark and scary place full of doubt, anxiety, and (the worst emotion of all) regret. It strips off the masks we wear, reveals the lies we tell, and asks the tough questions we prefer to avoid.

This is not fun, nor is it easy.

But it is necessary.

Although Saturn Return can bring about hardship and stress, its ultimate goal is to set us free from the misguided choices we’ve made in the past. In fact, if our choices have been authentic and are in line with our innermost values and beliefs, then Saturn’s return will be barely perceived and cause only a ripple in our day-to-day lives. However, if we are heading in the wrong direction entirely (or even partially) Saturn’s return will shake the very foundation we stand on and provoke a tidal wave so forceful and frightening that the notion of “happiness” will seem like a distant, unattainable mirage.

That is the beauty of Saturn Return: it will not disturb you if you are genuinely peaceful inside, but if you are not, it will force you to discover why.

Saturn Return is a wake-up call from the universe. A nudge or a push or a shove. It is a giant mirror that exposes every aspect of our lives and demands that we look at our own reflection.

Saturn Return is a godsend, but many don’t realize this.

Faced with their innermost fears and feeling as though their lives are in shambles, many in the throes of Saturn Return will choose not to embrace this gift from the universe and, instead, will drown out the messages any way they can - alcohol, drugs, medication, sex - and stay afloat in a bubble of denial.

Although this may seem like the easier route, astrologers warn that issues that are not dealt with during the first Saturn Return will re-emerge with a vengeance during the second Saturn Return, later in life.

After learning about Saturn Return (thank you Nadine) I welcomed Saturn with an open mind and an open heart. I did the digging, the questioning, the assessing, the experimenting. I made some hard decisions. I accepted - though I did not enjoy - my sleepless nights. I gave myself permission to be terrified and unstable and dangerously honest. I wandered off the well-lit path and fumbled my way through the darkness.

I am still, it seems, fumbling my way through the darkness more than a year later. Still digging and questioning and assessing and experimenting. But I am doing so from a place that feels safe.

My worlds - outer and inner - feel safe again. I am no longer a stranger in my own body. I have reclaimed my vessel. My eyes are wide open.

Saturn Return will happen whether we want it to or not, whether we are ready for it or not, whether we believe in it or not. The only way to deal with Saturn Return is to deal with Saturn Return.

Dive into the depths of it. Dance with it, say yes to it. Trust the cosmos to guide you to your core. Open yourself up to the wisdom of the universe and rejoice in the revelations you uncover.

Saturn Return is a tremendous gift. It gives us a chance to get it right. It realigns us with our truth, with ourselves.

Thank you Saturn.

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This week's affirmation: I embrace change.