The Quest for Perfection

I started this blog four weeks ago and, though I hoped people would read it, I did not expect people to react so strongly to it. I did not expect people (friends and strangers alike) to send me words of thanks, of understanding, of encouragement, of support. I did not expect this blog to mean something to so many in such a short amount of time. I did not expect this blog to mean so much to me. And I certainly did not expect this blog to inspire one of the most fascinating women I have ever known (a cherished friend) to start sharing a blog of her own (which she had been writing in secret).

Thank you to those of you who have read, commented, and emailed. It is a wonderful (if somewhat jarring) feeling to know that the words I put “out there” rouse something “in here” (I am touching my heart) for so many of you.

However - and I write these words with nothing but affection and appreciation for all of you - I do not blog for you. I blog for myself.

I love that my words have meant something to others. It is my sincerest hope that my exploration of wellness and my wanderings along its path will motivate others to seek a more balanced way of life. It is my dream that dreamers worldwide will dream a new worldview into being.

But the main purpose of this blog is not to entertain or enlighten. The purpose is simply to share.

And I need this fact to be clear, in my own head, or else the self-imposed pressure to make this blog “good enough” will invite the fear of failure to penetrate my mind and poison my thoughts, stifling my voice and killing my creative potential.

This has happened before. (In fact, it was happening today as I wrestled with writers' block and felt like I had nothing inspiring to say).

The fear of failure (or the quest for perfection) has followed me, haunted me, taunted me, and crippled me time and time and time again.

The fear of failure is the fear of life. It stems from the deep-seated belief that I am not “good enough.” Or strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough. It is a fear that slithers its way into the heart and destroys all feelings of faith, trust, well-being. It makes the journey one of struggle and strife. The world becomes a battlefield.

The quest for perfection is, in essence, the exact same thing. One who seeks perfection is undoubtedly terrified of failure. The seeking of perfection is the denying of the divine that dwells within every one of us. It is a rejection of self-love and acceptance. It is an all-encompassing emotion of inadequacy, of incompetence. It comes from a place of unease and it infuses our days with anxiety and pain.

I do not know why or how or when my debilitating fear of failure started or when my adventure on this planet became a hopeless hunt for perfection. I am not that interested in the why or the how or the when. I am only interested in (and grateful for) my emerging awareness of the detrimental consequences of fear-based living and my newfound courage to embrace a more free-flowing way of life.

I am already perfect. So are you. So is everything.

So is this blog.

It doesn’t matter whether my posts are published on Monday mornings or evenings. It doesn’t matter whether my posts are published regularly at all. It doesn’t matter whether my writing is deemed satisfactory or not. It doesn’t matter whether my words inform or inspire or influence or not. It doesn’t matter who reads this blog and it certainly doesn’t matter who judges this blog.

All that matters is that I am here, right now, writing. And in this precious, precious moment unlike any other moment, I am not afraid of failing nor am I seeking an impossible ideal. Like a child, untouched by criticism, worry, or doubt, I make my way along the path, skipping to the beat of my own heart.

I write. I reflect. I learn. I share.

And this, I know, is “good enough.”

***

This week’s affirmation: I trust life.

Why Blog?

I have wanted to start a blog for years. I love writing, I have ideas I want to share, and I believe in the power of words to inform, engage, inspire.

But I did not just want to blog for the sake of blogging.

I was not interested in having an online diary, accessible to everyone, where I recorded every thought, every hope, every dream, every fear, failure, frustration, every menial detail of my day-to-day existence to satisfy the growing number of insatiable voyeurs who are consumed by the need to observe, judge, and analyze other people’s lives.

I did not want to participate in the reality TV of blogging.

So, I waited.

I waited until I felt I had something to say, to show, to share. Something that spoke to me and that I felt would speak to others. Something that I was passionate about and wanted to write about, think about, wonder about, and talk about. Something I wanted to blog about.

The answer came to me one sunny Sunday, the day after I attended the I Can Do It Conference, a conference that focuses on wellness - physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

The conference, which I attended alone, reawakened within me the deep-rooted desire to regain balance, to seek wellness, and to be a positive force on this achingly beautiful planet.

Out of the thousands of conference participants, I seemed to be the, or one of the, youngest. Most of the attendees were middle-aged women and, though I was not surprised by this, I was somewhat saddened.

Where were the twenty-somethings? The recent graduates? The ones just now crossing the threshold into adulthood? The ones who know better than their parents and grand-parents? The ones concerned with balance and wellness and fairness and peace? The ones starting careers, starting families? The ones who have the power to tackle things from a different angle, from a more conscious place? The ones who hold the key to a new kind of existence?

I know they are out there, these intelligent, insightful, young people who feel a power stirring within them and who know they can do better. These people are my friends, my colleagues, my classmates. But they are absent. They are busy.

But I am here. And I am open. And I am ready.

So here is my blog about wellness, the seeking of it and the sharing of it. It will, I hope, resonate with everyone but especially with those bright, young minds - the Generation Y-ers (“why” ers) - who need to learn from past mistakes and choose another way of life.

After all, the wellness of our world depends on the wellness of its people.

It is up to us.

***

This week’s affirmation: I seek the good in every experience and I share the good with others.

Special mention: Today is my brother Adam's birthday. Adam is one of the most genuinely caring and loving people I have ever known. Bonne fête Adam!