I started this blog four weeks ago and, though I hoped people would read it, I did not expect people to react so strongly to it. I did not expect people (friends and strangers alike) to send me words of thanks, of understanding, of encouragement, of support. I did not expect this blog to mean something to so many in such a short amount of time. I did not expect this blog to mean so much to me. And I certainly did not expect this blog to inspire one of the most fascinating women I have ever known (a cherished friend) to start sharing a blog of her own (which she had been writing in secret).
Thank you to those of you who have read, commented, and emailed. It is a wonderful (if somewhat jarring) feeling to know that the words I put “out there” rouse something “in here” (I am touching my heart) for so many of you.
However - and I write these words with nothing but affection and appreciation for all of you - I do not blog for you. I blog for myself.
I love that my words have meant something to others. It is my sincerest hope that my exploration of wellness and my wanderings along its path will motivate others to seek a more balanced way of life. It is my dream that dreamers worldwide will dream a new worldview into being.
But the main purpose of this blog is not to entertain or enlighten. The purpose is simply to share.
And I need this fact to be clear, in my own head, or else the self-imposed pressure to make this blog “good enough” will invite the fear of failure to penetrate my mind and poison my thoughts, stifling my voice and killing my creative potential.
This has happened before. (In fact, it was happening today as I wrestled with writers' block and felt like I had nothing inspiring to say).
The fear of failure (or the quest for perfection) has followed me, haunted me, taunted me, and crippled me time and time and time again.
The fear of failure is the fear of life. It stems from the deep-seated belief that I am not “good enough.” Or strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough. It is a fear that slithers its way into the heart and destroys all feelings of faith, trust, well-being. It makes the journey one of struggle and strife. The world becomes a battlefield.
The quest for perfection is, in essence, the exact same thing. One who seeks perfection is undoubtedly terrified of failure. The seeking of perfection is the denying of the divine that dwells within every one of us. It is a rejection of self-love and acceptance. It is an all-encompassing emotion of inadequacy, of incompetence. It comes from a place of unease and it infuses our days with anxiety and pain.
I do not know why or how or when my debilitating fear of failure started or when my adventure on this planet became a hopeless hunt for perfection. I am not that interested in the why or the how or the when. I am only interested in (and grateful for) my emerging awareness of the detrimental consequences of fear-based living and my newfound courage to embrace a more free-flowing way of life.
I am already perfect. So are you. So is everything.
So is this blog.
It doesn’t matter whether my posts are published on Monday mornings or evenings. It doesn’t matter whether my posts are published regularly at all. It doesn’t matter whether my writing is deemed satisfactory or not. It doesn’t matter whether my words inform or inspire or influence or not. It doesn’t matter who reads this blog and it certainly doesn’t matter who judges this blog.
All that matters is that I am here, right now, writing. And in this precious, precious moment unlike any other moment, I am not afraid of failing nor am I seeking an impossible ideal. Like a child, untouched by criticism, worry, or doubt, I make my way along the path, skipping to the beat of my own heart.
I write. I reflect. I learn. I share.
And this, I know, is “good enough.”
This week’s affirmation: I trust life.